Tuesday, January 30, 2007.

charming like us



Look at earth from outer space
Everyone must find a place
Give me time and give me space
Give me real don't give me fake
Give me strength, reserve control
Give me heart and give me soul
Give me time, give us a kiss
Tell me your own politik.
/coldplay/



this is why i dont like having too much time on my hands. because
it makes me not stop blogging.
oh well.

so i hauled my ass off bed at 8 this morning and accompanied mum to the market, followed by a breakfast of thosai later because i'm a good kid like that.
and uh, this is just to say that my fingertips reek of garlic.

haiz. you know youre bored when your current dilemma of the moment is whether or not to go out of the house and head off to the library.

badai semalam is such a good malay novel, really.
so menyayat hati, you know..

{ 1:08:00 PM }

Monday, January 29, 2007.

badai semalam, semalam badai



three things happening on wednesday.

afternoon crit at school, then its off to the national stadium with the guys for the first leg of the asean championship finals - singapore against thailand. and then there's that man utd-watford game at 4am singapore time.

woohoooooo.

so yeah, im in a super-chillaxed mood right now.
i'm not thinking about crit on wednesday. not thinking about it, just not thinking about it.
i'm concentrating on chillax-ing instead.
enjoying my free time.

saturday was great.
watching that singapore-malaysia match with madds at the stadium and then rushing back home to catch man utd-portsmouth on tv.
and then on sunday, uncharacteriscally enough, i sat through a live telecast of the federer-gonzales australian open mens final.
uncharacteristic, because normally i can't stand watching a tennis match or a pool game.
but, uh, kes kena paksa ngan bapak..
father was hell-bent on watching it, so.

haiz. suddenly i'm rattling the dates off in my head.
31 jan, crit. 2 feb, portfolio review. 6 feb, InTech test. 8 feb, clear studio.
and 12 feb, start of attachment.
not so free now, are we?

suddenly i'm thinking : i want to sit down to an Afdlin Shauki movie marathon.
baik punya cilok, buli, buli balik, los dan faun, sumolah.
don't know how i'm gonna get my hands on them though.
and i think sumolah isn't even out in malaysia.
tsk.


oh FYI, i'm rereading Badai Semalam just because. it's a real good book, this one.
this paperback copy that we have at home is already old and yellowed, a 1974 edition.
i love how there's this nostalgic feel everytime you pick the book up.
why, it was mum's literature text when she was in sec 4.
and her Cikgu that time was suratman markasan himself.
like how cool is that?

{ 9:09:00 PM }

Sunday, January 28, 2007.

satu-satu tak minum milo kapa?


i kinda just got back from watching the game at national stadium with my soccer kaki, madds.

and i got this to say:boo singapore boo.

yeah they got through. yeah they won the penalty shootout.
but let me tell you, they suck eggs.
they sucked big time - left, right and centre. their passing, defending, finishing, counter attacking... very poor, raddy. very poor.
like, what were your boys doing, man?

singapore had like, free kicks and corners given to them like presents. but no, they couldn't make a single one count.

malaysia was the better team down to the final whistle... anyone could see that. i bet the little girl who was jumping up and down every few minutes in front of me could see that.

haiz. i'm disappointed. dis-a-ppointed. aghast. horrified.
i mean, i kind of guessed that they weren't that good.
but now that i've seen the Lions play live, i didn't expect them to be that bad.

call me a skeptic, call me unpatriotic,
but i don't see the point in them getting through on a penalty shootout.
like, you know.
thailand or some other team is so gonna kick their hairy baby lion butts in the finals.

but still, it was fun. we had fun.
me, madds, tina and their mum.
the endless kallang wave(s), the funny pakcik antics..
and it was funny how i was unconsciously waiting for replays and commentary and who was that guy that nearly scored?

haha. too much of watching games on tv.
tsk.


oh, and catch-up-on-soccer day isn't over yet.
it's half-time now for the man utd-portsmouth game.
they haven't scored but i can't wait.

i want goals goals goals goals.
skills skills skills..

{ 1:53:00 AM }

Saturday, January 27, 2007.

die a little


your mind is like a sly little thing that makes excuses to confuse itself.
your mind subconsciously tells itself things that only complicates the story.
you need to tell your mind to shut up.

of course.

so clear now, isn't it?



on a lighter note, today is catch-up-with-football day.
im going off with madds to catch singapore-malaysia live at the national stadium in the evening
and, on top of that, there's man utd-portsmouth on tv later at 1.10am.
so yayyyyy.

{ 3:45:00 PM }

Friday, January 26, 2007.

puckered.


there hasn't been any more word from His Royal Dodginess,
so i'm keeping mum. too.


good morning people. it is now 3.18am and i've just about given up on my Heidegger essay. *smiles pleasantly and bows for the crowd*

here's some trivia : it is possible to be loyal and betray at the same time.

{ 3:18:00 AM }

Tuesday, January 23, 2007.

whatalovelywaytoburn.


weighing the options. weighing. the options.
ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa.
ikut kawan?


i just want to say that i love michael boo-blay.
listening to him in the morning will make you want to tapdance down the corridor and skip to class.

{ 10:36:00 AM }

Thursday, January 18, 2007.

more than you think you are



entah kenapa tiba-tiba tergerak hati untuk mengunjungi lelamannya.
entah kenapa rasa terangsang untuk membaca catatan-catatan yang lalu.

i don't know why or how, but reading those words off that computer screen unlocked a funny kind of emotion inside me. pain.
not pain of the obvious kind. but pain like i cannot explain, pain i don't understand.
and not understanding hurts.

i was just sitting there staring at the computer screen, my eyes welling up as all these thoughts sudden realisation self-reflection.. all sorts of things came out.

pain because i'm so many things she's not, because she's so many things i'm not. because i am not at that level of peace with myself yet, because i have yet to understand what she is beginning to understand.

because i know myself.

too easily i blame circumstances too easily i blame other people too easily i blame... myself. i need to stop blaming and start thinking. i need to start to find that strength that will keep me upright, physically and emotionally and mentally and morally. i need to do so many things.

but we all know there's a difference between knowing the right thing and doing what you know is right. there is also a difference between knowing your mistakes and acknowledging them.
hati berkata tapi mulut tak melafazkan. mulut mengiyakan tapi hati tak setuju.

i'm in my own personal coma that way.

but thanks anyway.
your words helped awaken that something in me, even if it goes back to sleep right back like how it always does.




here's some trivia : the blue whale has eyes the size of teacups.

{ 8:32:00 PM }

Wednesday, January 17, 2007.

quiche

my dear, don't say such things. don't say my eyes are so alluring, not when your girfriend is a few feet away from you.

sometimes i become the kind of stupid silly person who'd think you're in love with her if you so much as give her a compliment.

left school around 1030plus yesterday night. because i had drama and because we had a million things to do a million things to discuss a million things to settle.
yawnnnn. i'm tired. tiredddd.

okay. gotta go. lunch now.
drama again later.

{ 11:23:00 AM }

Friday, January 12, 2007.

drawing dragons




Friday chillax session with a much depleted milahtant squad - just me, madds and sya(who joined us later). but yeah we still had an okay time, still had our fun..

me hitting on madds in LJS, sya entertaining us with the anecdotes of that taufik mini concert.. and madds and sya snapping candid shots of me by way of convincing me that i was photogenic.
not that it worked, though. i still think i look bad in (most)pictures.
oh, but drawing dragons and centaurs for madds' arts project was fun.
i'm not saying i draw like a dream, but that girl is something close to hopeless, i tell you.

like, there was that point when i pushed the paper towards her and asked her to add the finishing touch, to draw three simple circular shapes on the paper. in her eagerness, madds put too much pressure on the pencil as she drew, and all i said was ' jangan tekan kuat sangat, sayang.'
following which she dropped the pencil like it was disease and let out a hugely hilarious nightmare-on-elm-street kind of wail before trying to hide in sya's jacket, screaming something like, ' NOOO... don't let me do this! don't let me do this...! '

hahah. you're kental like that, madds. but i love you anyway.

argh. i'm really tired. burned out.
burned, out.
my shoulders hurt, my back hurts.. and i haven't even been working all that hard. tsk.
looking forward to man u-villa tomorrow night.







every single time i don't trust you is like a punch in the guts.
every single occasion, every single word, a punch that
knocks the wind out of me.


do you get it now?

{ 11:06:00 PM }

Thursday, January 11, 2007.

question.


is it more painful to trust blindly and have your trust destroyed
or to not trust and have nothing to hold on to?



here's a trivia : Alexandria is somewhere in Egypt.

{ 8:54:00 PM }

got fruit?



the weather today is skeptical but calm, with shifting clouds of resignation.

oh have you heard 'nasty naughty boy' by christina? the lyrics are like, so salah you know, but i still love that one. you should take a listen. cheeky lyrics..

- I'll give you some ooh-la-la
Voulez vous coucher avec moi..

haiz. i'm at home at 12.57pm in the afternoon because yati ponteng sekolah lagi! hah.
second time in a week, mind you.
didn't go last tues, and now today too.
but hey, it's not that i'm tryna skive off schoolwork.
on tuesday i skipped Jon's lecture to stay home and immerse myself in model-making, which i hope to continue later on today.

right, yati. and you're procrastinating and blogging now instead of doing work.

well, not really. until a while ago i was doing up my (sloppy)photoshop renderings, okay?

fine, fine. i'll get out of blogger now.
oh, but i just wanna say this.
can you believe liverpool lost to arsenal twice in a week?
and can you believe both fixtures were at bloody anfield?
can you believe liverpool conceded a whopping 6 goals in that Carling Cup match?
did you hear about this, madds? did you??

hah. poor benitez must be committing suicide right about now. either that or he's busy running away from Reds fans that're trying to kill him. tsk.




and if you're feeling lucky...
come and take me home
and if you feel loved...
if you feel lucky, if you feel loved
if you feel lucky, if you feel loved
deftones/lucky you

{ 12:47:00 PM }

Monday, January 08, 2007.

another life to live.


another life to live, another year to get by. yes, get by.
some live, but so many others just get by. maybe i'm one of them.
maybe i just get by... just wave at moments as they pass me by.

i don't understand her doesn't understand him doesn't understand her doesn't understand them.
it's a vicious cycle. vicious.
veeeee-cious. say it with me.

stop. stop now. stop typing, take your fingers off that keyboard, look up, shake your head.
shake your head at yourself.

and yet you tell yourself to not chew on bad feelings.
avoid fluff. avoid. fluff. no frills, just ease. now, that sounds bloody wrong.


oh, here's a piece of trivia : Hendrik Larsson has bad teeth.

{ 11:22:00 AM }

Saturday, January 06, 2007.

pasrah.


- pasrah ah dok. serious ah... gua sumpah bawah lampu ni, gua pasrah abis ah. gua pasrah lu tak pasrah? ahh.. sudah ah lu. lu pegi pasar sudah... pegi pasar beli sayur suruh mak lu masak..
ape? ape ketawe??! ape, LU MAU LU PUNYA MUKE PECAH KAPA?! -



photoshop does things to you.
photoshop makes my blood boil.
dah semangat2 nak buat keje and then this had to happen shit had to happen suddenly progress is halted disrupted shortstopped brought to a standstillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

ARGH. i hate this.. this temporary loss of intelligence. it's like my good brain cells have all gone to sleep. like, i can't figure out the simplest of things.
i know i must've accidentally changed some settings or whatever but for the life of me i don't know how to undo it and now my colours are turning out funny.













need to chill... got to chill...
i think i need a break.
i need to want to do something else.
like have more of that mat talk with madds and rao and bah.
like perfect that whole mat act that we're so psyched up about.
like watch heinze dribble the ball across the field and just ogle at the movement of his hair in the wind.

it's maghrib now. i think i'd better go take a shower and pray first and freaking eat lunch.
while i'm at it, i might as well drown myself in the toilet bowl.

pasrah, beb. pasrahhhhh.

{ 7:06:00 PM }

Wednesday, January 03, 2007.

berlari ke langit


the weather today is extremely dull, empty and listless, with sudden bouts of regret.

it's 5.54pm and i haven't had lunch.
my shoulders are ever so slightly beginning to ache from being in front of the computer since ... how many hours ago was it?

oh did you know now that the transfer window is open there's been all sorts of rumours about players leaving and coming and managers wanting this winger and eyeing that midfielder and what-have-you.
and one of those rumours is that gabriel heinze might be leaving manchester.

"The biggest name tipped to leave Old Trafford is Argentine defender Gabriel Heinze, who has apparently alerted AC Milan, Valencia and Bayern Munich.Reports suggest Bayern's interest could lead to a swap deal involving England midfielder Owen Hargreaves, who is set to return from his broken leg in the next fortnight." - manutd.com

no, fergie. no0000 wayyyyy.
i know you want owen hargreaves but you guys are filthy rich - you can afford to get hargreaves and still keep heinze!!
THIS IS HEART-STOPPING. HOW CAN THEY SELL HEINZE HOW CAN THEY WANT TO SELL HEINZE??!

look at him. just look at him.
how can they want to sell such an experienced promising talented and also adorable left-back?



hmmmph.
ok, im probably overreacting.. because i really like heinze.
but ferguson, if you really sell or swap heinze with owen hargreaves, this is all i have to say : Bapak kau giler bodoh.

{ 5:50:00 PM }